he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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