U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
