jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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