You can't motorboat a personality
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
