I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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