Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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