A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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