Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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