i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize