her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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