it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
