someone get that fucking seahorse.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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