He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
