I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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