So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
