Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
