I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.