Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."

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  (212): so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to." http://tfl.nu/pyn2
  Replies (16) Good night (676) Bad night (1474)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  haha good one..how did you even know?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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  (404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night (1-404): haha good one..how did you even know? (404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck. http://tfl.nu/dmh7
  Replies (46) Good night (5191) Bad night (1449)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.

  (903): View more from Texas

  That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.

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  (903): I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative. (903): That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame. http://tfl.nu/rh6l
  Replies (30) Good night (804) Bad night (3508)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

  (231): View more from Michigan

  please tell me this is not legit

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  (231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait
  Replies (33) Good night (5710) Bad night (773)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I love foreign exchange students.

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  (417): He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish. (1-417): I love foreign exchange students. http://tfl.nu/3hb4
  Replies (6) Good night (3806) Bad night (795)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

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  (570): I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cjv6
  Replies (11) Good night (3246) Bad night (1127)
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  (650): View more from California

  Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?

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  (650): Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user? http://tfl.nu/ik2g
  Replies (15) Good night (1299) Bad night (2541)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers

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  (484): Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers http://tfl.nu/tvan
  Replies (2) Good night (2269) Bad night (681)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.

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  (215): He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule. http://tfl.nu/c0gm
  Replies (11) Good night (3143) Bad night (1398)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself

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  (843): I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself http://tfl.nu/cqdr
  Replies (6) Good night (1875) Bad night (755)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?

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  (260): If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok? http://tfl.nu/erl3
  Replies (3) Good night (1513) Bad night (589)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in

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  (248): its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in http://tfl.nu/50v1
  Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (586)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.

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  (920): We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/65r6
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (374)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....

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  (317): I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong.... http://tfl.nu/btjr
  Replies (2) Good night (532) Bad night (305)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up

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  (910): Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up http://tfl.nu/ud32
  Replies (5) Good night (262) Bad night (598)

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