your room smells of hookers.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"