Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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