wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
