I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize