38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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