soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
