While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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