im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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