dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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