Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
