ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
