wanna go halves on a baby?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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