Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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