His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
