I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
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You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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