We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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