WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
