you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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