just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
