he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
