Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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