I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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