Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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