I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
