hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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