Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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