Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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