I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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