Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
