Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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