did you get engaged???
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
