This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this hospital has no fireball
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
