i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
