luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
