There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
