we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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