Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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