If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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