There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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