hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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